I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
