Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
