the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
