can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
