I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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