he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
