wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
