Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
