I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
sex in a hospital.. check
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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