I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
