he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's like heaven, but drunker
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
