i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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