I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
