SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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