ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
