I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
