Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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