I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
