sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
