I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
