Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
