Don't make out with my wife yet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
