I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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