I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize