Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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