I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
