ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
