Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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