I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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