what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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