i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
