gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
