dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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