I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
