Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
