You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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