Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
