Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
