God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
