I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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