I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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