Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
