if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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