So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
