call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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