They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
