If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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