So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
