Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
