Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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