i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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