you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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