i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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