Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
