I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
