I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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