she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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