i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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