im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
