I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
