Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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