Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Randomize
