Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
