I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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