U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize