Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish you could order shots online.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
