I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry about my life...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
