i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Barsexuality is the new black.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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