i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
