apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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