Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
