I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
